in fear and wonder

I have spent a shockingly large majority of the last seven or so years as someone’s girlfriend , since my first boyfriend in year 8.  Some friends and I were discussing dating history and totalled up the number of months we had spent in relationships, and mine shocked me. What’s more, even in the time between there was always someone on my mind, someone I was pursuing or casually dating. Even in between relationships I was barely single. Dating and spending a lot of time as someone’s partner is certainly not inherently a bad thing, but I know myself, I know my heart, and I know this has happened for not the healthiest of reasons. Time Alone At the start of my last relationship I commented to friends what strange timing it was as I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time. Of course, they swiftly reminded me of the number of people I had been on dates with in the months preceding it, that would strongly suggest otherwise.   But that’s just dating? That’s different, r

I’m just going to come out and say it, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. Right now I don’t even know if I’ll graduate, let alone when or where from. I don’t know where I’ll be living a month from now, or what I’ll be doing. I’ve always been such an organised, future thinking person with plan upon back up plan, and yet somehow here I am, getting less than wonderful grades on a degree programme I do not want to do anymore, waiting to find out if I’ll be accepted elsewhere, and in a complete muddle with rent contracts. Yay. Maybe you’ve just graduated and don’t know what your next move will be. Maybe you’re continuing with your degree or job and know exactly what the next move is, but for some reason the apprehension over the future just won’t let go. Ever stopped to think ahead a month or two and found your stomach knotted with unease? Me too, friend, me too. I’m surrounded by friends with excellent grades, impressive work experience and exciting adventures awaitin