UNEASY
I’m just going to come out and say
it, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
Right now I don’t even know if
I’ll graduate, let alone when or where from. I don’t know where I’ll be living
a month from now, or what I’ll be doing. I’ve always been such an organised,
future thinking person with plan upon back up plan, and yet somehow here I am, getting
less than wonderful grades on a degree programme I do not want to do anymore, waiting
to find out if I’ll be accepted elsewhere, and in a complete muddle with rent contracts.
Yay.
Maybe you’ve just graduated and don’t
know what your next move will be. Maybe you’re continuing with your degree or
job and know exactly what the next move is, but for some reason the apprehension
over the future just won’t let go. Ever stopped to think ahead a month or two
and found your stomach knotted with unease? Me too, friend, me too.
I’m surrounded by friends with excellent
grades, impressive work experience and exciting adventures awaiting them in
September.
So far adulthood feels like a race where I am
the only one that didn’t hear the starting pistol fire, the first one to trip
up and stumble, the furthest from the finish line.
In all the fear of the unknowns, all
the worry of the in-the-middle, I know a God that invites me to cast all my anxieties
onto Him, because he cares for me (1 Peter 5:7), a God that promises to
go with me wherever I am (Joshua 1:9), to strengthen me and to help me (Isaiah
41:10).
Your “calling”
I have spent so many years listening
to other people’s incredible testimonies of God’s calling on their life, and in
response tried so desperately to listen or discern or work out where God is
calling me to, and what my calling is.
With all the best intentions, I think
I completely missed the point. You know that super famous bible verse about not
worrying about tomorrow? And what have I been doing?
Don’t get me wrong, if God explicitly
tells you to do something it’s worth doing as you’re told (*cough* Jonah), but otherwise
I’m going to go out on a limb and say I don’t think God actually cares what our
“calling” is half as much as we do. Either that or I’m just salty I haven’t yet
heard the audible voice of God bellowing down a clear instruction from heaven.
Immediately before the classic “do
not worry about tomorrow” line, this is the instruction:
Whether I ever get a degree or not,
what the Lord desires is that I use my time at university to seek Him, to learn
about His character, to spend time in His presence, and to bring His kingdom to
whatever environment I find myself in. I have yet to find a bible verse about
which degree I should be doing, and actually I don’t think it really matters.
And you know, even if God has been yelling clear instructions at me for years
and I am just pathetic at listening, I think it’s okay. The bible is full of broken
people who ran away and disobeyed God and He was still merciful and loving, He
still used every drop of their imperfection, and He still came to earth to die on
a cross in their place.
It’s not
about where God is calling you to,
it’s about WHO IS
CALLING YOU.
The Race is On
Truth is, whilst this is not a race
to get the best education, the highest paid job, the biggest house and newest
car like I sometimes feel it is, this is still a race.
Now I am no athlete and will not
claim to be, but I do know that you don’t always know every twist and turn in
the route.
You know where the start line is, you
hopefully know where the finish line is, hey you might even know a number of
the stops along the way, but I doubt you know every inch, every last pothole in
the road. Instead, you trust the race marshals, the other runners racing along
side you, the faster more experienced runners up ahead, the loved ones at the
side of the track cheering you on.
We know where we’re going, we know we
have a place in eternity paid for by the blood of Jesus. We don’t need to know every
bend along the way to be able to run with diligence and enthusiasm, knowing
where the finish line waits.
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